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Brain Rot Transcript
(Marie is watching television. Two men are bickering) ???: Augie! Why did you drink my juice? Augie: I don't Saugie, why didn't you drink it while we were in the hood? Saugie: I would've, if I were a menace to South Central. Marie: *laughs* Subtle pop culture references, how I love you so. Kadic: Marie, what're you doing? You have homework to do. Marie: I did my homework dad. Kadic: Properly? Marie: Dad, I have all weekend. A break won't kill anyone. Besides, I wanted to catch the latest Augs. Kadic: Why didn't you tell me I love that show! (Kadic sits next to Marie) Saugie: Augie! Why do we exist? Augie: I don't know Saugie! Why did God breed such imperfect beings, and who breeded God for that matter? (both laugh uproariously) (intro plays) (the kids are at school.) Alison: Did you see this week's Augs? Julie: Of course. It's my MO, at least until they start showing reruns. Dante: To think I was going to stop watching it, until they began throwing in more philosophical humor and obscure pop culture references. Colleen: They get you thinking in the best possible ways. ???: That show is lame! (The kids look to see who said it and turn to Tommy.) Tommy: Believe me, I'd love to play contrarian, but I love Augs more. The culprit is in front of me. (the kids turn to the one who previously spoke) Julie: Can't be any more lame than scrawny guys in tank tops. (everyone laughs) Glen: That show is awful, just a bunch of immature humor that treats its viewers like kids. Alison: Well we're fine with it Glen. Glen: How could you. Alison: Because we watch it, AND WE'RE KIDS! Glen: You should watch The Super Crime Fighters, a show that treats its viewers like adults. Randall: You mean that eye barf that turns up every week? Glen: It's not eye barf, it uses a refined art style. Alison: Yeah, an art style that compromises additional cast members and has nearly bankrupted its studio because of the ego of its creator. Glen: He has an ego, but deservedly so. Julie: Dude, he hates everyone, even his fans. Glen: Maybe because you don't appreciate his art- (a teacher barges in.) Ms. Werzog: I hate to barge in, but since I was in the other room, since the walls dividing them were so weak and I have such impeccable hearing, I'd just like to remind everyone that choir practice starts in a few minutes. Keep all quarrels clandestine so not to interrupt the synergy of tomorrow night's performance. Julie: Come again? Ms. Werzog: Stop arguing and be ready to sing your butts off! (Ms. Werzog shuts the door, but opens it again) Ms. Werzog: If you're part of the choir, you may head to the auditorium for some much needed prepping. (the girls all cheer and head out, along with Glen) Dante: Pssh, you would be in the choir. Glen: Have fun in class. Dante: I will! (the girls are in the auditorium) Ms. Werzog: Ok students, let's run our introduction. Have a drink of water. (the girls drink and head to the stands. Ms. Werzog taps on a music stand) Girls: Huuuummmmm... (the girls notice Glen isn't paying attention) Girls: HUMMMMMMM! Ms. Werzog: Mr. Merky, you're testing the wrong woman. Glen: I'm not feeling this song. Ms. Werzog: But Simple Man is a classic, even to me. Glen: I want to try something new. (he hands her a music sheet) Ms. Werzog: Super happy fight time? Angela: The Super Crime Fighters? Dolly: You mean that totally lame action show? Glen: It's not lame, and we're not going anywhere until- Ms. Werzog: Practice dismissed, you don't have to go to class or home but you sure can't stay here. (everyone leaves quickly) (the kids walk home together) Alison: Ok, just to be safe, is there going to be a new Augs? Colleen: Yeah, but not until Friday. Alison: Phew. No compromises. Tiberius: And no work, we're dried up indefinitely. Elizabeth: Guys! (Elizabeth runs up to them) Elizabeth: There's a special episode of Augs airing tonight. Alison: How would you know? Elizabeth: My dad works as a janitor at Leisure Television, word of mouth. Alison: Well, thank goodness we have no work. Elizabeth: Wanna watch it at Dolly's place? She just got premium cable. Julie: Premium cable on a dinosaur? Elizabeth: She's working on it. So what do you say? Alison: For the Augs, I'm in, and that goes for everyone. (at night, everyone heads to Dolly's to watch the latest Augs. The episode plays out, but the two get attacked by characters from The Super Crime Fighters. A disclaimer pops up saying that the show will replace Augs.) Jenny: No more Augs? Alison: No more reason to live! Well at least now I don't have to worry about the dangers of aspartame. (Alison drinks a diet soda) Alison: Mmmmm. Mediocre. (At night, we see Glen watching The Super Crime Fighters. He gets overly invested, especially in one scene) TV: The Super Crime Fighters are good, The Super Crime Fighters are cool, there is nothing wrong with our show, Natural Born Killers makes perfect sense, Life Stinks and Joe the King are evil movies, Rosie O' Donnell isn't too big for skinny jeans... (the next day, Julie is seen walking to class) Kadic: No excuses! I live amongst idiots, but you're the cream of the crop Dini! (Julie gets to Principal Kadic's door and it opens. A sad employee walks out) Kadic: Any more mistakes and I'll have you serving lunch. And that's a promise! (Kadic sees Julie) Kadic: Oh, and here's another cog in the discord that plagues our school. Get in here quick before I have to deal with another headache. (Julie sits down) Kadic: I'm glad you could make it, given how much of a busy body you are, what with your music and comic books and fast food. Julie: I have a life outside of that stuff, remember, I was the one that found that guy who slashed your tires. Kadic: Noted, now Dallow, we have a bit of a problem. There has been an influx of students losing it over the smallest circumstances, and I'm certain it has something to do with The Super Crime Fighters. As you might've heard, I just gave Mr. Dini the golden badge of stupidity. Julie: Loud and clear. Kadic: Anyhow, if the likes of Dini can't find a way to stop this crap, I doubt any of the faculty could. I think we should let the youth handle this. Julie: Okay Principal Kadic. So, how big is this? Kadic: Dallow, while you were losing yourself in your music and comic books, you also seemed to lose interest in the news as well. This has reached a documentation-worthy high. It's in every paper, well, save for the Daily Diablo who thinks that a stupid gossip column is worth making the front page. Julie: Well, what about what happened with Dini, what was that like? Kadic: Dini found a reenactment of a scene from The Super Crime Fighters, all but one of the students left the room and Dini pinned the whole thing on him. Then when the boy's parents were brought in, he twisted it so badly that the boy literally was at a loss for words, couldn't even tell what he was saying through all that sobbing. Julie: Was it really that big of a mess to warrant such a punishment? Kadic: The scene they reenacted came from episode six, where the characters find a worm-like creature and feed it until it explodes. Rendered the room they did it in unusable, and that's all I saw out of it. The boy was moved to Nova Scotia before I could correct such an astronomical mistake. Can't tell you how much that part hurt me. If you do this then hopefully that wrong could be righted. Julie: But wasn't it just one thing? It's only something in my, and by extent my affiliation's, field when it becomes an epidemic. Kadic: Funny you say that, before my talk with Dini, I got a phone call from our eastern site. A similar thing happened when they reenacted episode five where there was this robot fight, with the addition of a dozen oil drums. I'm sure you could piece the rest together. Julie: Okay, I'll bring it up. Anything I could do for you now? Kadic: For now, stay out of trouble and don't enable anyone who watches the show. Or do, you've proven that you'd sooner give into temptation than honor commitments to the fullest degree. Julie: Got it. Oh by the way. (Julie hands him some mail) Julie: This was in your dropbox. Kadic: I got mail today? Well, thanks for getting it to me Julie. Now head to class. (Julie leaves and Kadic screams after opening one of the envelopes. She goes to her class and strikes a conversation with Alison.) Julie: Did you see any, you know? Alison: I saw a student lose it because a vending machine ate his dollar. You aiming for someone like that? Julie: Good, we're on the same page. I think it has something to do with that doodled barf. Alison: Looks like we have work to do, but... Julie: But what? Alison: I don't think it'll be that easy. We'd have to take on the television industry. Julie: Look at it like this, if we beat this, we could beat anything. Alison: Well we'd lose more if we do nothing, let's give it a shot. Phoebe: Fine by me, but do it quick, I don't want to miss out on my performance. Alison: I'm in the choir too you know. Sam: Hold it guys, we need confirmation that the show's causing this. Remember what happened at the bus terminals? Phoebe: Those charges were never proven! But you've got a point. We'll give it a day. Alison: One day, and then we strike, and get a record that'll haunt us for the rest of our lives. Dolly: Can we totally join you guys? Alison: You three? Of course- Dolly: I mean like, everyone except for that Glen guy. Tommy: I can't make it though, my father nearly died of a heart attack. Kadic: Every time I see a human being I see her! Just go on! Tommy: Nevermind. Alison: Okay everyone, meet me by the bus stop tomorrow night. (Glen enters the room.) Glen: What're you talking about? All: NOTHING! Ms. Chapley: Alright class, when you're done covering yourselves, your essay tests have been graded. Some of you may be surprised, others not so much. (Sam gets her paper back and sees she got a 95) Sam: Oh yes, I'm surprised. What about you Colleen? Colleen: I'm, one of the others. (Sam looks) Sam: A 75? Colleen: My essay was so worth a 76. (Glen is scrawling on his desk. The scrawls are scenes from The Super Crime Fighters. Glen gets his paper back and raises his hand) Glen: Uh, Ms. Chapley, something seems to be wrong. Ms. Chapley: What is it Merky? Glen: You failed me. Ms. Chapley: Of course I did, you just wrote about a cartoon series when the essay was supposed to be on Paul Revere. (the students chuckle) Glen: But the show is more interesting than Paul Revere. (Angela grabs and shakes his head) Angela: The dummies are coming! The dummies are coming! (everyone laughs) Ms. Chapley: Oh Asbrew, how delightfully aggressive. (Ms. Werzog comes in) Ms. Werzog: Everyone, who's in the choir, I have wonderful news! Glen Merky is no longer in the choir. (everyone cheers) Glen: What? Ms. Werzog: I'm running a choir, not a fan club for one of the most tacky action shows ever. Anyone interested in taking the token boy part? Jenny: I pick Jerry! Ms. Werzog: I don't approve of forced selection. Jerry: It's ok Ms. Werzog, I'd love to. *Jerry sings a portion of Free Bird* Lord help me, I can't chay-ey-ey-nge. Ms. Werzog: If you could sing Simple Man as well as Free Bird, you'd go far kid. (Alison faces Glen.) Alison: How the mighty have fallen. Ms. Chapley: Meeks, don't imply that he was ever mighty to begin with. (everyone laughs and Glen growls) (at night, Alison rounds up all of the school kids and they meet by the bus stop in front of the school) Alison: I'm glad you all could make it. Before we go, I'd just like to say that I don't approve of breaking and entering. I really don't. Phoebe: Sounds like somebody has no sense of risk. Alison: *gritting* Anyway... If you don't want to do this, you may go. We won't hold any judgement against you. (a student walks away and Alison pulls out and blows on a whistle) Alison: WALKER! (everyone laughs, including Principal Kadic who drives by.) (it cuts to Glen who's asleep on the couch, he awakes and sees characters from The Super Crime Fighters watching him with red eyes) Glen: Is this a new episode? (the eyes glow brighter and the room constricts around him. He begins running and stops at a locked door.) Glen: Come on, come on! (Glen busts the door open and begins running as numerous mouths appear saying mocking things. He hides in a nearby house, but gets surrounded by the characters. The floor soon collapses and he finds himself running. We see he's on a hamster wheel being watched by the creator of The Super Crime Fighters) Creator: No use resisting. My show is a part of you, you're the only one worthy to preach my brilliance. You know what you must do... (Glen wakes up, his eyes entirely red) Glen: I know what I must do... (Glen's body twists and contorts in the shadows) Tiberius: Run the plan by me again. Alison: Okay. (crude drawings depict the plan) Alison: First, Sam will use her magic to disable the security cameras. Then, Marie will clobber the guards while Julie seduces whoever- Colleen: I think we could all fit in this air vent. Alison: Or we could do that. (the kids crawl into the vents. The kids manage to get in the building and head for the programing room. They see a guard just up ahead and quickly hide behind a wall.) Alison *whispering*: Did he see us? (numerous guards come out and hold guns in their direction. The guard they saw approaches them.) Guard: Yes, I did. (the kids are taken into a white room, they face the network head Larry Howard) Larry: You know it's funny. We had no break-ins since '94, and our first one in years happened to be caused by a bunch of kids. Oh what will your parents say? Angela: My parents are dead. Larry: Oh. Alison: Don't mind her, personal drama. Anyway, we won't stand by while you brainwash kids with that dumb action show. Larry: What're you talking about? I just run the programs, and I stopped you because you all committed a felony. Besides, I hate that show. I love Augs more. Kids: Me too! Alison: We only came here to get The Super Crime Fighters off the air, afterwards you'd never have to see us again. Larry: Unfortunately, it won't be too easy. The creator is paying us bank to keep it on the air. We're the last independent station this side of Woodrot, and if he goes to a major network- Julie: The whole world will be doomed to a mediocre action show? Larry: The major networks will run me out of business! But your plight rings just as well here. Marie: Where does this punk live? (Marie powers up.) Marie: Because I'm ready for anything. ???: In front of you. (A monitor activates, revealing a red swirling light.) Creator: All the challenges I hoped to face, and the first is a bunch of miscreants? I've faced worse, but I'll take you down just the same. Angela: What're you going to do about it? Brainwash us into submission? Creator: I wouldn't give you the satisfaction. Perhaps a brutal mauling would be in order. ???: DIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!! (the kids look up and see a mangled-looking Glen enter through the ceiling.) Julie: Turning an annoying classmate into a rabid meat puppet. Well played. Creator: Kill them all my pet. (Glen lunges toward the kids. They all either run or fight back. The creator spreads to the control room and possess the body of a worker) Creator: And now for my ultimate plan. Soon, everyone will tune in to my show, and go into eternal servitude. (the creator heads for the controls. Alison sees this.) Alison: Holy distraction! (Marie heads toward the creator.) Creator: A little headstrong aren't we- (Marie punches the creator into a wall.) Creator: Okay, you got me there. Not like that matters, the transmission is underway. (The kids knock Glen out and head for the controls.) Randall: Uh... any takers? All: No. Marie: I've got an idea. Mr. Howard, look away. (Marie smashes the controls, stopping the transmission) Creator: NO! (the creator re-enters the monitor) Creator: No matter, I shall live to see another d-dzzz-dzzz, wait! (Sparky and Brighton are messing with the creator's code) Creator: This isn't- Oh what a I sayin- (the creator is taken offline. The kids cheer, but Phoebe looks concerned.) Phoebe: What time is it? Larry: You destroyed my- (Phoebe grabs him by the collar and shakes him) Phoebe: WHAT. TIME. IS. IT!? Larry: 8:50! (all the girls fall to their knees and scream helplessly. It fades to Principal Kadic and Ms. Werzog doing the same in the auditorium.) Jerry: My solo performance! Suzy: My extra-curricular activity! Dante: All of my effort! Phoebe: You weren't in the choir! Dante: I wish I was! Alison: *sniff*, oh well. At least we know the Augs will come back, right? Larry: Look around kids. With the state of this place, I'd be lucky if I could air anything in the span of a few months. Alison: A few months!? What could we possibly do until then!? (later, the kids are playing outside) Alison: You know, there's something to be learned from all this. Colleen: We don't need TV to be happy. Phoebe: TV is just some random diversion that eats away at our subconscious. Georgina: Nothing compares to the joys of experiencing nature. Julie: Agreed. It even gives me a chance to brush up on my driving skills. (we pan down and see Glen tethered to the ground, holding a tee and a golf ball in his mouth.) Julie: FOUR!